roxoria.net

Kansas City is good. I like living here, I really like living with Dan. I made the Kansas City Roller Warriors, which, after leaving Iowa, was a huge concern of mine. I’d spent July of last year on basically living derby, and really couldn’t imagine life without it. Now we’re moving to our fresh meat bout, Bloody Valentine, after which we meaties will be drafted onto one of four home teams. I’m excited to play of course, but I’m also very excited about the draft itself. I think it’ll be easier to get to know people operating within a smaller group. The girls I’ve gotten to know thus far, both vets and meat, have been great, and I think this is going to be good.

Of course, there is some apprehension, me being my usual anxiety-riddled self. I’m constantly comparing myself, which is something in Iowa I tried so hard not to do. It’s an easy trap to fall into, though. The stakes are higher here – KCRW is a GREAT team (2007 National Champs, mind you). I’m incredibly honored to have made it. It’s hard to think that the vets used to skate like the meat. When I think about it like that, I feel a lot better…a lot less inadequate.

There are a few girls specifically who I’ve watched skate a decent amount, and I really try to watch what they’re doing. Watch their feet, watch stance, and soak up everything they’re telling me and try like hell to do better. I’m glad they’re there, because hot damn can they skate, and looking into the distance, I hope I can follow that path. Maybe in a year or so I’ll be working with some meatie, teaching her everything that’s been passed to me.

Cedar Rapids gave me some great background in derby. I’m definitely glad I spent time there – it benefitted me in countless ways, both related and unrelated to derby. But its a different game down here. Someone has faith in me though. They took me.

In other news, I want to go back to school finally. UMKC has an M.Ed program where I could get certified partway through and finish the rest later. I met with an advisor and she went over the whole process with me. My concerns now, of course, are about money and time. Can I quit working when I pursue this later this year? Will my schedule allow this? Can I allow myself to keep putting off what I really, truly want to do for a job I know I don’t want to do forever?

There has to be a way to make school work. I’m not good with settling for mediocrity.

After several months of wondering when would be a good time to start blogging again, I’ve decided on now. Why?

• Everything’s different.

I could list everything, but really, things are different for the better. I joined roller derby and have been progressing at that. Dan and I got together, and it’s been going well; we’re moving in together. Building on that, I’m leaving my stressful, negative office environment that I’ve wanted to get out of for a long time to move to Kansas City, live with Dan, and start a new job as an Admissions Rep for a college (oddly enough, the other job I was offered when I graduated from college myself, just at a different school). Therapy has been doing good things for me, and all of this bundled together has, I think, given me the confidence I need to take more ownership of my life and what happens in it.

That being said, there’s a lot going on. I have to pack my apartment and move. I have to start my new job, next week. I have derby tryouts in Kansas City. I have a trip to Wisconsin that I really wish I didn’t have anymore, but my sister gave it to me for free, so I feel like I need to go.  And Thanksgiving. But it’ll all get done.

So here begins the adventure – it’s Sunday night, and it’s time to clean.

Deleted all the old shit. New shit to come, in theory. If I ever get around to it. I don’t like the layout of this site at all, it’s driving me crazy. Crazy might be too strong a word, since I only thought about it when I saw it for the first time in two months.

Anyway, this might get redone sometime soon. We’ll see.