roxoria.net

Kansas City is good. I like living here, I really like living with Dan. I made the Kansas City Roller Warriors, which, after leaving Iowa, was a huge concern of mine. I’d spent July of last year on basically living derby, and really couldn’t imagine life without it. Now we’re moving to our fresh meat bout, Bloody Valentine, after which we meaties will be drafted onto one of four home teams. I’m excited to play of course, but I’m also very excited about the draft itself. I think it’ll be easier to get to know people operating within a smaller group. The girls I’ve gotten to know thus far, both vets and meat, have been great, and I think this is going to be good.

Of course, there is some apprehension, me being my usual anxiety-riddled self. I’m constantly comparing myself, which is something in Iowa I tried so hard not to do. It’s an easy trap to fall into, though. The stakes are higher here - KCRW is a GREAT team (2007 National Champs, mind you). I’m incredibly honored to have made it. It’s hard to think that the vets used to skate like the meat. When I think about it like that, I feel a lot better…a lot less inadequate.

There are a few girls specifically who I’ve watched skate a decent amount, and I really try to watch what they’re doing. Watch their feet, watch stance, and soak up everything they’re telling me and try like hell to do better. I’m glad they’re there, because hot damn can they skate, and looking into the distance, I hope I can follow that path. Maybe in a year or so I’ll be working with some meatie, teaching her everything that’s been passed to me.

Cedar Rapids gave me some great background in derby. I’m definitely glad I spent time there - it benefitted me in countless ways, both related and unrelated to derby. But its a different game down here. Someone has faith in me though. They took me.

In other news, I want to go back to school finally. UMKC has an M.Ed program where I could get certified partway through and finish the rest later. I met with an advisor and she went over the whole process with me. My concerns now, of course, are about money and time. Can I quit working when I pursue this later this year? Will my schedule allow this? Can I allow myself to keep putting off what I really, truly want to do for a job I know I don’t want to do forever?

There has to be a way to make school work. I’m not good with settling for mediocrity.