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Since last post, life has both changed drastically and simultaneously stayed the same. Life outside of work rocks. Derby is going well, the man (not the boy) and I applied for a townhouse together (yes, we’re at that point, for real) and will be moving the last week of July. So not to discredit the good things, but this blog is largely for the junk that needs to come out of my head instead of festering in there. So I want to talk about the part of my life that hasn’t changed for the better.

I’m still at my job. It’s still MEH. And something really does have to change, because I don’t want it dragging everything else down. So this morning I Googled “What do I do with my life?” and stumbled upon Life With Confidence. Does it sound corny? Yes. Does it make a lot of sense? Yes. So below are some excerpts that I’m putting here to keep in mind.

“The majority of people are going around and around in a circle while they “wait”. What are they waiting for? They’re waiting for that day when life will just suddenly happen. They may not even be really sure what that sudden strike of lightning will contain but they feel that they’ll know it when they see it. They’re going to see what life offers and maybe they’ll take the opportunity when it arrives, maybe they won’t. They’ll just wait and see what happens. They continue to go round and around in the same circle, day in, day out. Just waiting for something. Never really getting anywhere. Day after day passes and soon year after year has passed and they’re still “waiting”. ”

Above? That’s me. I hate to admit it. I like to think of myself as a fairly take-charge, active person. But I’ve been incredibly passive about this, and below is why:

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What’s Holding You Back?

First of all, the number one reason people don’t take control of their lives is due to fear. Fear of having dreams, fear of following their dreams, fear of achieving their dreams. Fear stops them dead in their tracks. They would rather stay safely within their comfort zones rather than risk the possibility of failing. They may not even fully realize that they have this fear. They’ll just know that they aren’t really moving forward in their life.

Most people do have a “dream job” or something they’ve always wanted to do but end up talking themselves out of it because “I can’t do that” or “that’s just crazy”. It’s one of the greatest tragedies that the world will never see these people’s true talents. ”

Sure I’m afraid. If I go back to school and accrue a bunch of debt, will I be able to get a job to pay it off? My French isn’t good enough to sit for the Praxis II spoken French exam, or the final class I would have to take before I could even take it. I don’t know if I could support myself while going back to school and can’t pass those burdens onto other people. All of it has me left with my hands up saying, “what the hell do I do, then?”

And, from their Signs to Make Life Changes page:

“2. You feel like you’re constantly ending up in the same situation
You try so hard to change things yet the more you try, the more things stay the same. Here’s an example. I hated my job and the people I worked with. So, I thought the answer was to find another job. Within a year, I realized I was in exactly the same position just with a different employer. Jumping to a new job hadn’t been the solution at all. I felt like I had gone in a complete circle and had gotten absolutely nowhere. I was still stuck in a rut. It turns out what I really needed to do was figure out why I was so angry all the time. Once I started to work on that, I was able to finally move forwards in my life. ”

True yet again. This is exactly what I did. While my old office was a really miserable environment and I definitely needed to get out, I am in the situation, just with more agreeable people. I don’t feel like I’ve gotten absolutely nowhere, because I’ve definitely gained from moving and everything. But I am in a rut as far as my job goes. The point’s the same.

So what now?