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Nicole and I signed up for Weight Watchers.  Not the cult - meeting in the community center kind, but the online one.  So far I’m only on day 4, but it seems to be going alright so far.  This has to work.  I am going to kill my incredibly annoying boobs if they do not get back down to their old size.  It’s funny because so many women want bigger breasts.  Well, ladies, if I could share, I’d have done it by now.  You can soooooo have them.

I went to the massage therapist for the first time in several monts last week.  The girl I used to go to (who is GREAT) was already booked because it was a last-minute decision, but the one I had this time was good as well.  Her closing comments: “Your muscles are really tight in…well, a lot of places.” Which lines up well with the edginess and defensiveness I’ve been dealing with as of late. Time to go to the therapist.

I need to relax.  I can has vacation?

Things I haven’t let myself do in a long time/have issues doing due to crummy self-esteem from my weight:

• Worn a swimsuit
• Had sex
• Taken new pictures of myself (aside from a very limited few which are ONLY of the face or tattoos)
• Gone clothes shopping (with the exception of work clothes)

It pretty much blows.   BUT I’m working on it. My newest goal:  get below 170 (shooting for 168) by my next tattoo appointment, which is January 10th.  And if today is December 27th, that gives me…exactly 2 weeks. And right now I weigh around 174.  6 pounds? I don’t know if I can do that. But I’m sure as hell going to try.

This song made my Christmas.  I normally don’t enjoy Christmas music, save for a few choice songs.  But this one? I’m a big fan.

I present to you “Heavy Metal Christmas” by Twisted Sister:

On my heavy metal Christmas my true love gave to me,
Twelve silver crosses
Eleven black mascaras
Ten pairs of platforms
Nine tattered t-shirts
Eight pentagrams
Seven leather jackets
Six cans of hairspray
Five skull earrings
Four quarts of Jack
Three studded belts
Two pairs of spandex pants
And a tattoo of Ozzy…

Happy Festivus-ChristmaKwaanzaKuh, folks.

Bought new shampoo today that is 100% free of animal testing. Did a lot of research and comparison shopping, and ended up buying Paul Mitchell II with their detangler. We’ll see how this goes.

Today is pay day, and the bills have all been scheduled to pay themselves. My job is just to sit back and not buy anything. Saving money, because Nov. 1st is tattoo day in Osky - getting another part of my back filled in. Hopefully this will be the next to last session on my back, but it just depends on how much we can get done before I get all twitchy. It will be nice to have more tattoo, and less coloring book. The project started on my birthday, which is in April. That was the day I got all the outline done. Then in late June, I got one part filled in. It’s been a long time coming, but a lot happened since last time. Now I’m just scraping up funds to knock out another section. At this point, I’m just jonesing for it. I would drive down there and get in the chair right now - my back already feels like shit, so it might be a nice distraction.

Since I joined the gym last week, I’ve gone every day but one. And tonight is no exception. I normally go after it gets dark out, but today I think I’m going to go right away after work so that when I get home, I’m just home. I haven’t weighed myself yet really, but right now I’m just happy that I’m getting exercise and feeling the burn in my legs.

Other than that, it’s business as usual. Finny is great. Still single. Just livin’ and rockin’.

My first pore strip experience was in high school. Biore had just broken out their new C-Bond technology, and commercials were everywhere on TV. Being acne prone, with huge pores on my nose which were consistently packed full of nastiness, I drove to Wal-Mart (the only store that had them in town) and bought myself a box.

They did not disappoint. The girl on the commercial, while flawless when it came to skin, made me a believer that after peeling the strip off my nose that there would be a small forest of what used to be lodging in my nose. I followed the instructions, waited an extra five minutes than instructed for good measure, and slowly peeled. I looked at the strip and had an epiphany.

No longer was the junk clogging my nose pores a mystery. It was amazing - they go so deep! Some of the columns of grime, dirt, oil, and who knows what else were so tall! Who knows how long the gunk had been in the pores. The woman on the commercial was grossed out, as were many others who tried the product. But seeing these erect pillars of gunk was nothing short of gratifying for me. No cleanser, medication, or topical solution could do what this glorified piece of tape had done. I looked at my face in the bathroom mirror. I ran my finger over my nose, lightly - who wants to restart the gunk cycle so quickly? - and it was so smooth. The newly emptied pores looked like tiny pinholes compared to the overflowing cauldrons of solidified grease residing on my nose pre-application. I imagined the empty pores gasping for air, as if the clogging material had been suffocating them.

And tonight, nearly eight years later, another successful pore strip lies on my desk. I haven’t yet stopped by a mirror to inspect the newly clean pores, but my nose is smooth, and once again I imagine each pore gasping for air, and once they catch their breaths, relaxing, with a sigh of relief.

I AM SO TIRED AND CRABBY

I have a headache and my neck hurts

It’s 8:30 and I might go to bed now

In other news, I sewed a zipper into my oldest niece’s part-tulle Halloween costume dress last night. Tulle is a bitch. I am now giving myself the Most Bitchin’ Aunt Award. *gives self award*

I’m so cool, in my pajamas on the couch with my retainer in my mouth.

I know. I’m pretty much a hottie. Nothing reels the boys in like retainer lisp.

Another unmotivated day at work. This morning’s highlight was figuring out how to get a truck out of Wyoming, then get him to Tupelo, MS by Monday. Lots of meetings that don’t involve me. I’m just bored. That’s how it was yesterday, too.

Last night was another night of not being able to sleep. And then when I had to get up this morning, I was exhausted and didn’t want to get up. Fickle, fickle sleep. Finnegan let me give him a bath yesterday. It involved me feeding him a few treats in the tub, but all in all it was a pretty peaceful affair. I was very impressed with his behavior.

Tonight I’m going to a co-worker’s Lia Sophia jewelery party. I think I found a ring in the catalog that I’d wear. I’d rather save up money and get something really nice, but this ring is pretty cool, and it’s her party. So I guess we’ll see what all is there.

Sigh…I just want to nap for the rest of the afternoon.

Guess who is most likely going to get a bath tonight.

Hint 1.  He has orange fur

Hint 2.  He is cute

Answer:  Finnegan!

I hate giving him baths, because I know he doesn’t like them, and he just looks like his pride is defeated when he’s all wet.  But it’s been several months, and granted he’s an indoor cat, he’s just about due. Since he’s been eating Natural Balance cat food, his fur has been in GREAT condition. Soft, shiny, not shedding QUITE as much. But even indoor cats need baths every once in a while, and it’s time to get it over with, for both of our sakes.

In other news, I’ve had a few dates with a really nice guy named Will. I have a really good time hanging out with him, and I’m just really comfortable with him. We can talk about financial/trade markets and at least remotely understand what the other is talking about. He knows a lot about tech things. He enjoys beer but isn’t a drunk. He likes movies. He likes Finnegan. And he’s cute. Last night we went to dinner, and he went to Ulta with me…voluntarily. So I REALLY hope this keeps going, because so far he seems like a genuinely nice guy who isn’t a flake.  So, like I said, I really hope this keeps going, because I think it has potential.

And now, for the second half of an unmotivated day at work.

Weight loss is going well, as far as I can tell. Maybe I shouldn’t say weight loss - I haven’t weighed myself. But my eating habits are beginning to take shape. During the week I’ve been counting my calories and trying to be really conscious about whether I’m really hungry or not. This weekend I’ve been blowing off the counting but still being very conscious - I ate out twice as part of a long date (YAY!) and was very good the rest of the time.

I will probably take my measurements sometime today to update the weekly spreadsheet I’m doing. Other than that, it’s cleaning the house and maybe going hunting for colorful leaves.